Practice What You Preach
by phyca
Summary: Palex. Spoilers: I Against. Just some wishful thinking, fill in the blanks stuff. Last chapter posted! COMPLETE, because I'll never get around to writing an epilogue for it.
1. Chapter 1

"How long do we have?" I asked, the tone of my voice making it clear just what I intended to do with any time available.

"Seminar starts in 30. We'll need some time to set up our table. And I'm sure Marco would love it if we went to help him now." Paige looked uncertain, as if she couldn't decide between helping out or making out.

"Storage room?" I had no problem guiding her towards the right decision.

Paige smirked. "Ten minutes and not a moment longer."

After a split second pause, we threw our books into our bags and were racing down the halls to our favorite hiding spot. The moment the door closed behind us, I had my hand under her shirt, greedily feeling her up as fast as I could. These were the best make-out sessions, these few minutes we could dig up here and there. I pressed her against the door and forced my leg between hers, just to hear her gasp. Her mouth pulled away from mine and made for my ear, flicking my cartilage ring with her tongue: her revenge. I melted into her, dropping my grasp on her breast, letting my hand slide down her stomach, around to her back, and then into her pants. She hated it when I grabbed her ass – but only when we were at school and clothing removal was not an option. In her bed, it was very much ok.

"Do you want to leave early for the seminar?" she threatened, cupping my breast but stopping at that.

"Fine, you win." She always won that battle. I compromised by sliding my hands into her back pockets, pressing her into my thigh. She moaned against my shoulder – I always won this battle. In gratitude, her hand took a trip under my shirt, freeing my breast from the cup of my bra, teasing my nipple with her fingers. I pressed her harder against me and whispered into her ear, "Say I can spend the night tonight."

"You can spend the night tonight."

"Say you'll have sex with me tonight."

"No sex."

"Yes sex. Safe sex. We gotta practice what we preach." I was pestering her. It wasn't the first time. And it wouldn't be the last time.

"No. And if you ask again, you'll be sleeping in your own bed tonight." Her hand left my breast and she began to stroke me through my jeans. I shut up.

Our lips met again, hungrily, faster and faster. Time was ticking. She pulled away panting, and grabbed her cell phone from her front pocket. I kept kissing her, not wanting it to end, but she put her hand against my shoulder and pushed me back. "One minute left." Time needed to make ourselves presentable again. I sighed and flicked on the lights. Bras and shirts were straightened, hair brushed, lip gloss reapplied, breath caught. Just as innocent as could be, we were.

Marco ran up to us as we coolly made our entrance into the gym. "You're late. Is it possible that you two could keep your hands off of one another till after this is over?"

"You're lucky we made it here at all," I said, laughing at his half-hysterical behavior.

"Ah! People are arriving! Table four, pamphlets are underneath in the boxes. And wear these so they know you're here to help."

I started to hand Paige some of the informational brochures for her to lay out. "Nice of Marco to stick us at the hetero women's table. 'The Female Condom,' 'Nonoxynol-9, HIV and Pregnancy,' diaphragms, pregnancy prevention…" I stood up and looked around the room. "Where's all the safe sex info for lesbians? I bet they're not even handing out free dental dams. Looks like there's lube over there, though."

"Alex!" Paige looked mortified.

"What? I care about my sexual health. And yours."

"Could we not talk about this right now?" She looked about ready to kill me. I smiled.

And then came the protesters. Paige jumped right into the fight and I wasn't too far behind. They really were being dumbfucks. Never understood how those people can live in such an idealistic haze, completely unaware of how the world really is. No sex before marriage? I wanted to deck him right there. And that line about sexual deviance? Excuse me? Some book written thousands of years ago is the end all and be all of right and wrong?

When things started to get really ugly, Paige and I moved out of the way. And when Marco took a swing at that little piece of shit Linus, I found myself automatically tensing up, ready to protect her if the fight got too close. She grabbed my arm as Marco was dragged away from his victim. She didn't even think about it. Nothing like a pretty girl clinging to you in times of trouble, I say.

Marco stormed out of the gym and I could tell that Paige wanted to go after him. I, however, wanted her there. "Let him cool down first," I advised. She sighed and we headed back to our table, the rest of the afternoon continuing without incident.

"So, what did you think of the seminar?" asked Marco as we helped the health officials pack up.

"You did a fabulous job," said Paige.

"Except for a serious lack of information on lesbian safe sex," I added.

"There were pamphlets."

"There was _one_ pamphlet about safe sex. There were a few on sexuality and only one specific to women. And the only freebies were condoms, which can double as dental dams but only if you cut them up the right way." I kinda went off on him then, rambling on about dental dams, non-microwavable plastic wrap, finger cots, common STDs, and in what ways a woman is most at risk when having sex with another woman. It was a good five minutes before I ran out of things to say and finally shut up.

"Wow. Guess I should have let you give a lecture."

"Guess so." He looked at a loss for something to say, so I tried to help him out a little by changing the subject. "You've got a wicked left hook. The fucker had it coming. Good on you."

"I so don't want to think about that today. Why don't you two come to The Dot with Jimmy, Ellie, and me? Grab a bite to eat. It'll be fun."

I turned to Paige, mentally begging her to remember what we could be doing instead, and found her staring at me in wonderment. She immediately turned back to Marco.

"No can do, hon. We've got other commitments," she told him.

Marco shook his head sadly. "Of course you do. Well, I'll catch you Monday."

"How do you know all that?" she asked after he left.

"It's called research. You should try it some time."

"It's sweet, you learning about all that. It almost breaks my resolve."

"That's kind of the point. I come off as caring and sensitive, you see no more reason to hold out on me, we both get laid, and all is right in the world."

"That's clever of you."

"Only clever if it works."

She looked away bashfully. I could smell my victory. "I've got a packet of dams on me right now. We could spring for a motel room and try them out." I leaned in to her and said in a mock seductive tone, "And they're flavored."

She tried to hold back her giggles, but failed. "You're terrible, you know that?"

"And yet you can't keep away from me."

"You really want to come over tonight?" she asked, her tone making it clear that she wasn't going to play along with me.

"Of course."

"Well, be forewarned that it's movie night at Chez Michalchuk. I had my parents pick up _Jersey Girl_. I kinda feel indebted to Kevin now."

"Can't we go out and do something else? Or just spend the evening in your room, under the covers?"

"I already told them I'd be around tonight. You know, they've actually resorted to calling me up and _inviting_ me to spend time with them. Next thing I know, they'll be begging and groveling. If I cancel, I think my mother will cry."

"Well, I guess we don't want to disappoint the 'rents by denying them their weekly Paige sighting. What time?"

"Festivities commence at 8. Dinner's at 7. That should give you enough time to go home and grab some clothes."

"And miss spending time with you? Besides, I prefer stealing clothes from your closet."

"You hate my clothes."

"Yeah, but I love taking them off of you."

She rolled her eyes at me and started walking, letting me know the conversation was over. I could really only push her so far.


	2. Chapter 2

Dinner with the Michalchuks was just as much fun as you could imagine. I'd never met them before we started dating, but I always get the feeling that their daughter has been running circles around them since the day she was born and all they can do is stand there feeling clueless. They're always polite to me, but seem baffled as to what is actually going on. And Paige never seems to slow down enough to let them think.

Luckily, her talking a mile a minute takes a lot of the stress off of me. I smile at her parents, and they at me, all the while Paige sits in the limelight. I gotta give it to them though, for all the weirdness they must feel, they certainly do go out of their way to make me feel comfortable. This was probably only the third time they'd seen me for any considerable amount of time (usually it was just in passing – either on the way to or from Paige's room) so they kept trying to sneak in words whenever Paige took a breath. Of course, half the time, Paige went ahead and spoke for me.

I actually really like spending time with her family. Of course, I'd never choose it over alone time with her. But they treat me fairly, don't seem to judge me, and, well, it's just nice to pretend like I'm part of a normal family for once.

We headed over to the living room for the movie. Paige curled up in my arms, whispering "Cuddlebunny" into my ear – our little joke. She used that on me once and I laid down the law. I'm not Spinner and I don't ever want to be confused with him. Plus, do I look like a Cuddlebunny? Or any other perverse sugary name she might come up with? She'd apologized and never tried to give me another pet name…except Cuddlebunny stuck, but only when she was messing with me or trying to get me to laugh. I jabbed a few fingers into her side, causing her to shriek with laughter and her parents to look over and give that same confused look. We smiled innocently and snuggled closer.

The movie was pretty dull. Paige's dad was out in about 30 minutes. Her mother dozed on and off. Paige stretched out on the length of the couch, resting her head in my lap. I couldn't even think of sleeping, no matter how bad the movie was, thanks to the certainty of making out and the possibility of sex, so I trailed my fingers up and down her arms. She smiled and occasionally traced circles on my leg. Oh, how I wished the movie would end. But I did use my time wisely, slipping in an occasional brush of her breast or running my fingers through her hair. I wanted her to be tearing off my clothes as soon as we made it to her room.

The closing credits rolled and everyone began to stir again. We suffered through the awkwardness of goodnights – or rather, I suffered, and Paige remained completely oblivious to the fact that her parents totally knew what we were going to do and were afraid to say anything. She'd never asked them if it was ok that her girlfriend spent the night – frequently – and shared her bed. She just did it. "If they have a problem with it, they'll tell me," she'd said once when I asked. They kissed her, but stuck with a simple "Goodnight, Alex" for me. Which was ok; I wasn't about ready to receive any physical affection from them. Now, their daughter was another story…

She took my hand and led me upstairs – always a good sign. Of course, before I could plant a kiss on her, dinner breath had to be taken care of, which lead to general prepping for bed. We brushed out teeth together, sharing foamy smiles and looks that spoke of what was to be done afterward. I washed my face while she smothered her own in some sort of expensive cold cream. I loved these moments. There was something so intimate about watching her take off her make-up in front of me, and my heart would flutter and I would smile in spite of myself. I liked watching her in the mirror too, because it was the only time I got to see us together, like everyone else saw us. Paige bent over the sink to rinse her face, and no longer able to resist, I came up behind her, placing a hand on the small of her back, just to let her know I was there. She stood up, wiping her face dry with a towel, and I wrapped my arms around her, placing my chin on her shoulder. She leaned her head against mine and we smiled at each other's reflections.

"You make me ridiculously happy, you know that?" I said.

"Do I?"

"Yes, you do. And don't you dare tell anyone or you'll kill my reputation."

"I think your reputation is good and dead. Bad girls don't date popular girls."

"And you think your reputation is still standing? Last I checked popular girls didn't date _any_ girls."

"Well, this popular girl is so popular that she can get away with it."

"And this bad girl is so bad, she can too."

I kissed her cheek and hugged her tighter.

"You know what else? We are one very fine looking couple."

"Even sans make-up?"

"You've never looked as beautiful as you do right now."

She cracked up and let herself out of my embrace. "See, now I know you're just trying to sweet talk me into having sex with you."

"Well, that would certainly be nice, but I must submit my statement as fact. And if you need proof," I said, leaning in to kiss her.

"No, no, no. Obviously you believe it, though your motives are unclear. Now out of the bathroom," she ordered, pushing me out, leaving a kiss on my lips before closing the door on me. After my turn, I opened the door and found her waiting for me in the hall with another kiss, one that led me into her room.

Inside, the kissing was slow, light, and sweet. There was really no need for urgency. The rules were different in here, anyway. In fact, there were so many rules, I'd considered making a list to keep them straight. Things that were ok at school were completely inappropriate in here. And things that were permissible standing up were not ok lying down.

I don't think she was fully aware of the rules herself. We both ended up learning them together. If I made one wrong move, she'd panic and I'd either be bussing it home or, if I was lucky, just not getting any that night. Things had to move in a certain order. She had to be prepared and keeping that order was the only way. I once grabbed her breast a little too early and found myself sleeping on "the couch of inevitable backaches," and scaring the shit out of her mother the next morning. And slipping some eager fingers into her panties before she'd taken off her shirt? That got me a bus ride home – at 2 in the morning.

And it wasn't just about the sequence of events. Any time I pushed her too far in her bedroom, anytime I shifted the balance to my taking advantage of her, she would freak. This was learned the hard way. We'd been moving towards the bed one night, our hands all over each other, but I could feel her tensing up a little. Didn't think much of it – was too busy thinking this might be the night. We hit the bed. There was a moment there that I wish I'd caught, when she stopped and looked at me, but I was already pushing her down. She wasn't resistant, but I didn't notice that she was no longer as into it as before. I started to settle down on top of hers, finally realizing that something was wrong, but before I had a chance to try to figure it out, she cried out for me to stop and pushed me away. I was caught off balance, and I suppose she was thinking I weighed more than I do, because next thing I knew, my ass was on the floor.

My wrist and tailbone took the brunt of the fall. I think I was more stunned than she was, because she was off the bed in a heartbeat, throwing out apologies like they were going out of style. I can't say that I was terribly sympathetic. I get knocked around a lot; tends to build up resistance to the sudden shower of guilt. I just sat there, clutching my wrist, and glaring. It was the rape; I knew it was the rape, and yet I didn't care.

She nervously got down on the floor beside me, approaching me like she might an injured dog, afraid I would snap at her or run off. "I didn't mean to hurt you. I thought, for a moment, you know, that you were him." She touched my wrist and I pulled away. "Does it hurt? I'll go get something to wrap it up in."

"I'm fine," I told her. She didn't say anything after that. Just put her arms around me and rested her head on my shoulder. It was a long time before I spoke. "We've got a lot of issues, don't we?"

"Definitely."

I asked her then about the rape. At any other time she would have refused to talk about it or blown it off. But it was late and we were both emotionally high-strung at that point, and so she began. Told me every gory detail. That was when I fully realized there were rules involved.

Nothing happened that night. I wanted to go home, but she insisted I stay. Neither one of us got much sleep, but it wasn't because of the normal reasons. We talked a lot that night, but only about things not connected to the drama in our lives. And in a few hours, things seemed normal again. We could both smile, but even though contact was inevitable in her narrow bed, there was no deliberate touching. It was not a night either one of us was eager to repeat.


	3. Chapter 3

So when our lips first met, up in her room, after the movie, I was already working on my plan. My mind was going over the checklist; I had to do everything in the right order. Everything would go slow. I wanted her to enjoy every second of it, not want it to end, and maybe, just maybe, have it go further than ever before.

I was against the wall this time, rubbing my hands up and down her arms, pulling her into me, kissing her all the while. When her hands finally trailed down to my hips, her little fingers grasping the belt loops of my jeans, I shuddered – and then I traced her ear with my tongue, blowing air into it to make her shiver and giggle. She pulled me closer and pressed her hips into mine. The bed, the bed, we needed to be in the bed. I moved, placing myself between her and it. That was her cue.

She found my lips again, kissing me a little harder each time, pushing me closer and closer towards the bed. The backs of my knees made contact and I sat down, pulling her with me not with my hands but with my lips. She sat beside me, never letting go of me, and I put my hand on her thigh, moving in to kiss her. But instead of resuming our tongue chasing and hand wandering, she started to talk. Not good, not good, I thought.

"Alex?"

"Hm?"

"Do you really have dental dams?"

"Mmhm." At least the conversation was promising.

"With you?"

"Always."

"Are they really flavored?"

I chuckled. "Yep. Strawberry, grape, banana, vanilla, and mint."

"Can I see one?"

"Sure." I eagerly hopped off the bed, grabbed my safe-sex box from my bag, and presented it to her.

"What do you do with them?"

"Let me show you," I said, sliding my hand along her inner thigh. She jerked her leg away.

"I'm serious," she said, and I suddenly understood just how serious she was.

I spread the contents of the box on the bed. "Pick a flavor."

"Um…strawberry?"

"I knew you'd pick that. If you want to look at it, go ahead and open it." I expected her to protest somehow, say something about not wanting to waste it, but after a few seconds of reading the outside, she finally tore it open.

"That's it?" she asked, holding the square of red latex up in the air with two fingers.

"That's it."

"And you just put this down there?"

"Well, you're supposed to lube it up on the other side, makes it nice and slippery, you know, but pretty much, yeah. And then you…you know."

She smelled her cautiously and touched her tongue to it. "It's not too bad."

"So?"

"So, it's a big step."

"It's the last step."

"I know." She played with the dental dam, thinking things over.

I waited in agony for as long as I could before giving up. "We really don't have to. I just…wanted to keep them on hand, you know, in case something happened. I wanted to be prepared."

She was clenching her jaw, working up the courage for something, either to let me down or to go ahead with it, I couldn't tell, further intensifying the agony. She put the dam and the contents of the box on her nightstand before turning back to me. "No promises."

"Ok."

"And regardless of what happens, just realize that I want it to happen. And if not tonight, then another night."

I nodded, no longer able to speak. This was really going to happen, I thought. I put my hand back on her thigh and looked at her. She nodded. Our lips met again and for a long time it was just that. She was obviously nervous. I tentatively slipped my tongue into her mouth, grateful to have her return the gesture…but she soon pulled away.

"You're a great kisser," she said.

"Hard to be a great kisser when I'm not kissing." She nodded and bit her lip. "Paige, don't be worried. No sex tonight, ok? We'll stick with what we normally do." To prove to her that I was being serious, I turned around and swept the dental dams and the lube into the drawer of her nightstand. "See? Gone. No pressure." I meant it too. I'd rather make out with her than find myself on the bus again at 2 a.m. because I pushed her too far.

"Ok." She seemed relieved, giving me a shy smile of gratitude.

We were back to the kissing again, but this time she didn't break away. I moved closer, pulling her legs up onto the bed, wrapping them around my waist, our torsos pressed tight, hands traveling wherever they might, though still slowly and gently. I pressed myself into her as she slowly trailed kisses down my jaw and to my neck, nibbling on the spots she knew would make my breathing ragged.

I snaked my hands up her shirt, ever so slowly, feeling her skin jump under my palms. It wasn't always easy telling the difference between her tensing up from fear or just her muscles jumping with excitement, but judging by the way she moved against me, I figured she was still ok. My hands went round to her back, quickly undoing her bra. I let one hand fall to her ass and pressed her pelvis harder into mine while the fingers of the other traveled underneath the loosened bra until they reached their destination.

I ran my thumb lightly over her nipple a few times until it was hard. When she began to jerk with each new touch, I took her whole breast in my hand, playing with her nipple between my fingers, still pressing her into me, but much more rhythmically now.

Her mouth began to travel lower, along my collarbone and the sensitive skin just above the neck of my tank tops, her lips opening wider, her hot breath and tongue causing me shiver. Her hands were at my waist, riding up and down my skin, making me wish she'd hurry up and take off my shirt.

"Two tank tops today, Alex?" she whispered playfully into my ear. "Does that mean you want me to take twice as long to take them off?"

"God, no. You've already taken far too long."

"Tsk, tsk," she said and slid her hand between my shirts, traveling up my sides, taking the black tank with her. I had to let go my grasp of her breast and ass as she slipped off my shirt. I waited for her to take off the other, but she knew I was waiting and so she refused to give in. Oh, she can be cruel.

When I started to remove my white tank myself, she stopped me. "My job," she said, but instead of doing her job, she simply ran her hands along the outside of my shirt and showered me with more kisses. I was practically shaking with desire.

"Paige, please," I begged when I could take it no longer.

"Alright, since you said please…" she began and finally acquiesced, though so slowly that I groaned in protest.

With my shirt gone, she ran her fingers over my shoulders, pushing down my bra straps, her kisses following the path. I laid my head in the crook of her neck while she tortured me like this. It would be an eternity before she did anything. And so I took hold of her breast and ass again to try and hurry her along, but she stubbornly kept at her steady pace.

Fingers trailed down my back, hopping over my bra strap, and continuing on down, causing my back to arch and my head to leave its place against her neck. She took the opportunity to go at my neck again, her teeth teasing the most sensitive spots. Her mouth wandered down and her hand up. She cupped my breast while kissing the soft flesh above it. I let loose my own grip on her and leaned back, wrapping my legs around her tightly. She gave me a teasing smile and traced her finger along the top of my bra until I clenched my eyes shut and threw my head back again. Finally, she reached back and unhooked me, tossing my bra in the vicinity of my tank tops. Her own shirt and bra soon followed – they weren't mine to remove – and she pushed me back onto the bed, laying to one side of me, a breast in one hand, her mouth all over mine, her thigh between my legs, pressing against me hard.

I soon pulled her on top of me, enjoying the feel of her warm skin against mine. Her hair fell all around us, which was only nice until it got in the way of the kissing. She grabbed a hair tie from the nightstand and sat up, straddling me, shaking her hair back before pulling it up into a sloppy yet oh-so-sexy ponytail. I wasn't one to waste time, though, and as I looked up at her with unhidden admiration and lust, I deftly undid her jeans.

She returned to my lips, but held herself above me on all fours, the lack of contact coupled with her closeness was unbearable, but I knew what was next, so I breathed deeply and contented myself with rubbing my hands hungrily all over her exposed skin.

I liked this part. I liked to watch her, and she obviously liked the audience. As her mouth traveled lower, down from my lips, to my neck, and to the middle of my chest, she would glance up every few seconds, making sure my eyes were on her. She had a naughty look in her eyes and would let out an occasional giggle, the combination of which never failed to make me smile in return while feeling suffocated with desire.

Settling down on me, her fingers lightly touched the sides of my breasts. She continued to tease me, her lips planting soft kisses first on one breast, then another, until she finally made up her mind as to which one she would start on. Her tongue made circles around my nipple, then flicked it gently, before she pulled at it with her lips, then her teeth. _Oh, I have taught her well_, I thought as I struggled to maintain my composure.

When I could take it no longer, I pulled her back up and had my hands all over her again. Down they went, taking hold of her ass, slowly easing down the waist of her jeans as far as they would go. I pushed her up a little ways so there was just enough room to slide my hand down the front and I rubbed her gently through her panties until she closed her eyes and an unsuppressed moan came from the back of her throat. I slid my hand back down her bare ass, but she was quick to get the message. She reluctantly peeled herself off of me and removed her jeans. I broke a few rules in my haste and slipped off my jeans, underwear, and socks in one swift move, kicking them towards the foot of the bed.

"No fair," she laughed. I took her greedily in my arms and pulled her back to me.

"You can have your revenge later. I want to have my turn."

This was a critical move. I rolled her over so that she lay between myself and the door. And as usual, there was a glimmer of fear in her eyes, maybe a bit more than usual. She was so vulnerable lying there, and I had to tread carefully. I did not throw myself on top of her as I would have liked to have done, but instead, lay by her side, gently running my hand along her body until she chose to pull me closer.

I went to work on her breasts with my tongue and teeth, while my hand went lower. I started out slow, speeding up until her breathing suggested I stop lest she come too soon, at which point I found her mouth again with my own, laying my body on top of hers, our legs entangled. When her heart no longer pounded so fiercely against my chest, I shifted my position, placing the sharp angle of my hip bone against her clit, rhythmically thrusting until she was again on the cusp of an orgasm, little burst of moans and sighs and cries escaping from her lips.

At this point, the only thing she could say no to was sex, and even that was debatable tonight. I slipped her panties off and slinked back up beside her, giving her long hard kisses as my fingers began to finish her off. Usually this was the point where she would grasp at my neck and shoulders, but instead, her hand went down my arm and rested on my wrist a second before pulling my hand away.

I looked at her questioningly, worrying that I had gone too far at some point, kicking myself for moving too fast.

"I think I'm ready."

My head began to swim. Was she seriously talking about what I thought she was? "You think or you know?"

"I'm ready," she said without hesitation.

I had to fight with everything I had in me to keep from crying out with joy. I calmly rolled over, sitting on the edge of the bed, and pulled out the dental dam of my choice and a tube of lube. My hands were shaking as I tore open the packaging, so I closed my eyes and took a few deep breaths. Paige wrapped her arms around me, kissing me on the waist.

"You're sure?" I asked again, not fully believing her.

She said yes, but it was her smile that convinced me. I lay back down beside her, oblivious to the fact that I was on the wrong side of the bed, feeling awkward and clumsy as I tried to juggled my new prized possessions in one hand and give her the physical attention she needed with the other.

I slid down her body, leaving kisses and nips along the way. I kissed her inner thighs and breathed in the smell of her, already longing for the day when we could do away with dental dams and I could go down on her properly.

I fingered her clit again, continuing to kiss along her thigh, higher and higher, until wiry hairs brushed against my cheek and chin.

"No more teasing," she whined. "Now."

Now. Wow. My head nodded dumbly, but she wasn't looking. And so I did as I'd read. I snapped off the plastic neck of the lube, which I'd warmed up as best I could, clutching it so tightly in my palm all this time, and spread some along her most sensitive parts, even though she was probably wet enough, and rubbed it around with my fingers. She jumped at the sensation and I thought, _Just wait._ A little bit more lube on the back of the dam and I was ready. I placed it over her, holding the top of it with one hand against her pelvic bone, and rubbing her clit with my thumb.

My breath was shaky. My stomach was doing flip-flops. My head even started to spin. Jesus, I thought. What the fuck is going on? Am I seriously nervous? I am Alex Nuñez. Since when am I scared of sex?

Suddenly I was hit with a distinct memory, something that I had buried years ago. I remembered being 13 again, making out with some boy named Mike, in the basement of his house. He asked me if I wanted to have sex and I didn't even hesitate to say yes. But I was scared. No, more than that. I was absolutely terrified. I remembered how difficult it was to put on that façade, to cover up my fear. When it was all over, I went into the bathroom and cried – not because it hurt or because I regretted it, but because after bottling up all that fear for the few minutes it took, I couldn't hold it in any longer.

The loss of innocence is supposed to be scary, though, I told myself. So why was I scared now? Even figuring in the lesbian virginity factor, it wasn't as if Paige and I kept our relationship to some random hand holding and chaste kisses. Hell, by some definitions, we'd already had sex. And a piece of latex between her and me was even less intimate than what we normally did, right?

Again I found my mind wandering. This time I flashbacked to Jay. He swept me off my feet at 15, saving me from a life of random fucks with guys whose names I can no longer recall. He didn't even try to get into my pants for the first couple dates. And when we did find ourselves in that compromising position, I remembered being scared for the first time in two years. He did that to me, made me feel like I was special, that sex would be special – and it was. And even before it happened, he told me he loved me, with all the sincerity a 15-year-old boy can muster.

Should I say that to Paige? I wondered. Did I need to make this moment more special for her? Or would that freak her out, make her decide that this whole thing was a mistake, that I was too emotionally involved for her? Was that really territory I wanted to tread, anyway? I mean, I liked her, I cared deeply for her, but was I really in love?

Paige propped herself up on her elbows and looked down at me. "Earth to Alex."

My head snapped up and I wondered how long I'd been zoning.

"Are you my girlfriend or my gynecologist? Because right now I can't tell. And this is starting to get awkward."

"Sorry, I just…it really _is_ a big step."

"We don't have to do this tonight," she said, smiling sweetly at me. But I could see the surprise in her eyes, I knew she was thinking the same thing I was: why is Alex, the very girl who's been pestering me to have sex with her for weeks now, suddenly scared of following through?

That's all it took, really, seeing that in her eyes. I can have doubts and questions floating around in my head and that's fine, but I sure as shit wasn't going to let her think that.

And so I found my tongue running along the length of her clit. She lay back down. But the moment had been lost. Her breathing was calm again. This was not necessarily a bad thing, of course.

Despite two solid weeks of preparing for this, of sneaking looks at lesbian sex books at the bookstore, spending far too much time thinking back on the things Jay used to do to me, and basically studying harder for this than I'd ever studied for anything in school, I felt lost and unsure of what I was doing. My tongue was not as sensitive as my fingers and the dental dam made everything harder to work with. Nothing that I'd read or experienced ever made allowances for dental dams.

The mint flavoring made my tongue tingle and then go numb, which was not helped by the fact that I had a lot of work to do to get Paige back into the moment. When it became clumsy and unresponsive, I took time to plant kisses all over her and try to stimulate her in other ways, and then headed back down as soon as I could.

I wish I could say that the whole thing was romantic and thrilling and basically the most amazing experience of my life, but I can't. It was hard, tedious work that had me doubting for the longest time that I would ever be able to replicate what my fingers could do. I felt at a loss through most of it, a colossal failure, unable to get the response out of her I desired.

Finally I hit the right spot and she gave a short moan, and so I hit it again and again, throwing my numb, useless tongue against it as fast and as hard as I could, mentally begging her to come already so that I could stop. And she did – her soft, low moans gradually becoming higher pitched and faster… and then all was quiet. She pushed my head away and I dropped it heavily on her thigh, not yet ready to climb back up to her, but finally experiencing some of the joy and exuberance one should feel after something so momentous.

When I sat up to look at her, she was a beautiful sight. Her chest and face were flushed and she still struggled to fully regain control of her breathing. She looked up at me with half-closed eyes. "That was nice… really nice… really, really nice."

"Yes, but was it nice?" I asked with a laugh, falling down beside her, running my finger along her neck, slick with sweat.

"Mmm…" she mumbled and leaned over for a kiss. "You're extra minty tonight."

"So are you."

We cuddled for a bit, as she recovered from her orgasm and started to get me ready for mine, which didn't take much. Being able to make her come usually got me pretty excited, as did seeing her naked and sweaty. And even though my tongue still ached, the thought that I'd just had my mouth all over her (ok, there was that damned dental dam in the way, but still) had me yearning for my own turn. I was in high spirits too… we'd just reached another level in our relationship.

And so as she went through the motions with me, kissing me and touching me in all the right spots, I started to hope that she might actually fully return the favor. I forced my body to calm down whenever I was close to orgasm, just in case. Of course, then she had to go and speak.

"I guess it's my turn," she said, with much less enthusiasm than I would have liked.

"You don't have to," I said, still in a haze from being brought to the brink of an orgasm. "Never expected it of you."

"What does that mean?"

"Hey, don't get defensive. I know you think it's 'icky.' I don't want you to be uncomfortable."

"No, I'm going to do this. It's only fair." She resolutely reclaimed her strawberry dental dam and smothered it in lube before taking her place between my legs. I started to lie back, quite amused.

Before my head had even hit the pillow her tongue was on my clit. And my God, is that an amazing thing. I mean, on one level, you've got to realize that this is Paige Michalchuk, head cheerleader, the most popular girl in the school. And on another level, this is the girl who cried after we got to second base. But all that aside, this is Paige, my girlfriend, who makes me want to be a better person, who can make my insides turn to mush with her smile. I'd do anything for this girl, and here she was doing something for me that I never truly expected her to do. I swear, my emotional high at that point far surpassed anything physical I was feeling. That was truly one of the most incredible moments of my life.

But like all the rest of the good things in my life, this didn't last long. Paige suddenly jumped up and ran out of the room. Next thing I knew, she was retching in the bathroom. My first thought was to panic – this was it, this was the moment when Paige realizes she's straight and she can't do this any more.

I sat up, removing the dental dam and as much of the lube as I could, putting it with my minty one, and sat against the headboard, trying to relax, all the while worrying over what had really happened.

The toilet flushed and she started to brush her teeth. I calmed down. This was just Paige, after all. All things sexual, especially new experiences, were difficult for her. Nerves, I decided. She simply got scared, pushed herself too far and too fast. Yes.

She came back in, closing the door and then leaning against it, hidden behind the corner. "Ok, that was the most embarrassing thing ever in the entire history of sex, wasn't it?"

I laughed and crawled to the foot of the bed to look at her. "Oh, trust me, it can be a lot worse." She groaned, hiding her face in her hands. I couldn't stop smiling and I couldn't stay away from her, so I rose from the bed. She looked up, opening her eyes briefly, perhaps just to see my reaction, and squeezed them shut again, making a pained expression. I kissed her forehead, then undid the bathrobe she'd returned in, wrapping my arms around her and pressing my naked body against hers.

She made a sound of discontent. "I hate myself right now," she said before dropping her head in shame against my shoulder.

"Don't worry. I still like you."

"I really thought I could do it."

"Hey, if not tonight, then another night, right?" I hugged her tightly. "You know, you were doing pretty good too; hard to believe you'd never done that before."

Paige looked up at me, smiling hopefully. "Really?"

"Mmhm."

"I was afraid I'd completely klutzed everything up. And the stomach upheaving…"

"Don't worry about it."

She broke eye contact with me, studying other parts of my face, and played with some strands of my hair. "I am worried about it, though," she said very quietly and seriously. "What if it means something more?"

"Like what? You're not really into girls?"

She nodded, still not looking me in the eye.

"I think if that were true, you would have thrown up long ago. Many, many times. That was a big step. Maybe too big for you right now. And that's ok. I still… care for you."

I held her a while longer, silently, giving her time to relax. The vomiting and the worrying had effectively killed my sex drive, but the nakedness was starting to wake it back up again. I slowly began to kiss and caress her, but she only responded reluctantly, which I decided was due to her being between me and the door – her escape route closed off. I started to move backwards, my hands on her waist, trying to pull her with me. She didn't budge.

"Alex," she protested, "I still feel queasy. I'm sorry."

This was disappointing, I thought. "You don't have to go down on me. Just come back to bed."

"I don't even want to make out right now."

My disappointment was now clearly visible on my face, even in the shadows.

"I'm sorry," she said again. "I just threw up my dinner and I'm feeling very unsexy right now."

"So you're just going to leave me hanging?" I asked, pulling away from her.

There were a thousand emotions playing on her face, all colored with a tinge of green, but I chose to focus only on the part that was pissed at my temper tantrum.

"Fine," I said, turning away. "We'll just go to bed. You can sleep and I'll stay awake with my hormones."

"Alex."

I ignored her, slipping under the covers, keeping my back to her.

I could hear her sigh, and then heard the bathrobe fall to the ground. She crawled into bed and spooned me, sliding one arm under my neck and running her other hand down my arm to my hand, locking her fingers with mine.

"We just lost our viginities. Don't make this a negative experience."

She was right, of course. Just thinking about that, how momentous this evening had been, made me smile in spite of myself. I squeezed her fingers in mine and relaxed my body into hers to let her know that I was sorry. She kissed my shoulder, accepting my apology – and forgiving me.

We said our goodnights. She was asleep in five minutes. I, however, slept fitfully. Every time she moved, my eyes sprang open, but I was constantly disappointed to find her still sleeping soundly.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Well, it's about damn time, eh? I kept trying to fix an ending to this, and nothing would stick, so I'm giving up, and will one day, hopefully not too many months from now, post a short epilogue of some sort.**

Then, the next morning, as the sun rose, casting a red glow over her room, she slipped her hand between my thighs.

"Good morning to you too," I said, spreading my legs to give her better access.

"Morning breath," she said, scrunching up her nose to show her dissatisfaction at having my mouth so close. To escape, she went lower, nibbling on my breasts while her fingers brought a smile of satisfaction to my face. "I'm feeling better," she said in a husky morning whisper before trailing kisses further down.

"Mmm… so am I," I said as she planted her lips on the inside of my hip. I closed my eyes and half purred with delight. There really was no better way to wake up in the morning.

But then, suddenly, Paige was going down on me – and there wasn't anything between us. My eyes sprang open and I looked down at her.

"Paige, hey, don't you want a dental dam?"

"You only got those," she spoke slowly, punctuating her words with hard, firm strokes of her tongue against me, "because you thought I wouldn't go down on you any other way, not because you wanted to practice safe sex."

I was breathing heavily already. "Sometimes I forget how smart you are."

"You should never forget that." Anything else she might have said, I never heard… except for a panicked "Don't!" from her when I placed my hands on her head. She jerked her head back, making me fear (in vain, thankfully) that her second attempt would also end too soon. But I let go of her, she continued, and I quickly added Rule #27 – hands must grip the headboard when Paige is working her magic.

And yes, god yes, is it magic. That girl may have been a newbie at cunnilingus, but dear lord, was she good with her tongue. She carried her tease act into this too, slowing down or stopping to kiss my thighs or belly any time I started releasing a string of "yes"s and "don't stop"s and "oh god"s.

Finally, she granted me my release and slid back up beside me.

"You're all sweaty."

"You're fucking amazing."

"I'd hope so. My tongue's about to fall off."

"Well, now that you've proven it's useful for more than just talking, I'd say its loss would be a national tragedy." I pulled her into me and kissed the top of her head. "I don't suppose I get to have another try? Maybe without the dental dam this time?"

She gave me that wicked little smile of hers, and next thing I knew, I was between her legs again, with no hesitation to go down on her. She tasted like heaven, so much better than anything I'd ever licked off my fingers. And to feel every surface of her, ever crevice and fold, made it all the better. It was so soft and giving, so delicate. I went slower than before, and gentler, not to tease, but because I didn't want this to end. I couldn't get enough of her.

Despite my eagerness, my tongue was still not in shape and needed the occasional break. I took those moments to touch her, marveling in how wet she was even without lube. Eventually, though, my tongue would grow jealous of my fingers.

On one of my breaks, as my thumb rubbed her clit, I studied her, the first woman I'd seen close up… female anatomy was doing things to my head and hormones I never imagined. Something new popped into my head, though. In the weeks we'd been doing this, I'd never entered her, never done more than skirt around her entrance with a few skittish fingers. I didn't want to bring up the inevitable negative reaction, and I didn't want to associate what we did in anyway with what _he_ did.

But she was lying there before me, legs spread, the morning sun in full force lighting the way, and I couldn't fight back my urge. My thumb pressed against her opening, lingering there long enough to give her pause, letting her know something was up.

"Paige," I asked, "can I…?" I moved my thumb around a little more, trying to explain what I wanted without having to say the words.

She was quiet for a long time, but finally gave her answer. "Ok," she half-whispered.

I started out slow, only using one finger, watching her face the whole time. She started to wince, but relaxed again, if you can call her biting her lip being relaxed. I only went to the second knuckle before pulling out and trying two fingers. If I thought she'd been tight with one, I was about to be corrected. I actually feared I might be hurting her. She gave a short whimper but when I asked if she was ok, she insisted she was, and I continued.

Eventually I was in at a sufficient depth. My lips and tongue were hungry, ready to take their position again, so I prepped myself for what I hoped would be my crowning glory as her lover. I found the ridged area inside her – her g-spot – and curved my fingers ever so slightly to put the right amount of pressure on it, careful to avoid scratching her with my nails, before rubbing and pressing against it. My tongue was at her clit, pushing the hood back and flicking the hardened nub as fast as I could.

I'd never known her to react this way before. She was moaning louder than ever before, moving more than ever before, and finally came harder than ever before, the muscles of her vagina contracting around my fingers, her hands entangled in my hair. Observing her afterward, she was far beyond a mere flushed chest and heavy-breathing – she looked stunned, and was nearly gasping for air.

I lay beside her and stroked her face. After a long wait, she turned to look at me.

"Why haven't we been doing this until now?"

I smiled. "You tell me. You were the hold-out. Feel free to make it up to me by letting me come over every night."

"Let's never leave this bed."

"I'm quite fond of it. But I'm also fond of food." Almost as if on cue, my stomach rumbled. "Sex is good for the appetite."

"You really know how to kill a moment."

"You're one to talk, Ms. Pukey McPuke Puke."

She sighed. "Give me ten minutes to rest, ok?"

My stomach growled again. "Five. You think your mom is up? Think she'd make us those blintzy-pancake things?"

"Oh, god, I forgot about my parents. I was loud, wasn't I? Do you think they heard?"

"Well, we never hear them having sex, so I doubt they can hear us."

"Ew. My parents so do not have sex." She turned inward for a moment, lost in thought. "And thank you for the disgusting images that are now playing in my head," she said with mock hatred. I smiled and held her tighter. At least I'd gotten her mind off of worrying whether or not her parents heard us.

She relaxed in my arms and played with a strand of my hair in her fingers. "What are you thinking about?"

"You. And this morning. And last night. And tomorrow night. And the night after. And..."

"I get the point. Are you thinking about anything else besides sex? And me?"

"Hm… I'm thinking I'm definitely a lesbian."

"Hon, you say that every time we make out."

"Well, _Hon_, I just like to confirm it. And having sex just confirmed it some more."

"And again with the sex," she said, giving me both her patented eye roll and smirk at the same time.

I couldn't tell her what I really thought, that I was falling for her. I wouldn't say love, not then, it was all still too new. But I could feel myself getting more emotionally wrapped up in her than I ever thought possible.

And no, it's not all about the sex – that occupies so little of our time together… but I gotta admit that it's amazing. Really, though, it's about looking up and seeing her eyes already on me in class. It's about having someone to share the mundane happenings of my life with. Someone I can turn to when the world collapses on me – whether it's two tests on the same day, or I've just watched my mom take a slap to the face and can't deal anymore. It's about having someone to whisper to in study hall or bitch with about customers at work. It's about knowing that even though I can get through life on my own, I don't have to… and admitting to myself that I don't want to.

And in that moment, looking at her, everything seemed to come together, and I felt liking and caring quickly morphing into loving. And damn, was that scary.

My stomach growled again and Paige shifted in my arms. Unable to stop myself – and not giving a damn about her dislike of morning breath – I kissed her… I kissed her like she meant everything to me…not passionately, but, well, lovingly. She saw it too… she saw that I was falling.

"Maybe we should go downstairs and get you some food," she said tenderly. She wasn't ready to deal with what she saw. And I was all too ready to leave that awkward moment behind.

"Blintzies?"

"Blintzy…that's the plural."

"Whatever…as long as I can have some… with strawberry syrup," I added.

"Ick. I never, ever, ever want to taste anything with strawberry flavoring ever again."

"There's still grape, banana, and vanilla to try."

"When they make a chocolate flavored one, then we'll talk. Until then, I suppose we'll just have to go _sans_ protection."

"Oh, I can live with that." I got out of bed, dragging her with me. "Food, now."

Just before we headed downstairs – dressed in pajamas that still wore creases from having been so recently removed from Paige's dresser, making it all too obvious that they hadn't been worn overnight – she grabbed my arm and pulled me towards her.

"Thank you," she said.

"For what?" I asked softly.

"For being my first."

I smiled – we were having a moment.

"And thank _you_ for being mine. It… it really means the world to me, you know? You mean the world to me, Paige." Ooh, that was a little too close to love. I physically pulled away from her. "I smell blintzies. We should go downstairs before your dad eats them all."

She smiled coyly – obviously she knew and was going to let me off the hook. "Ok, but quit gloating… I'd rather it not be so obvious to my parents that we did the deed."

"Hey, it's hard to not smile when you've just deflowered the most popular girl at school."

"Enough!" she laughed, playfully hitting my arm with the back of her hand before leading me downstairs, to blintzy and seemingly oblivious parents.


End file.
